Kenpo X....

Wow...this P90X thing is amazing! My fav workout is Kenpo--it's martial arts -- and it's hard as all get out!

I've signed up to run my first 10k as well....hmm...what am I thinking!?

Just got LG in the bed...now it's time for me to study my presentation for Wednesday!

I know it's been a while...things have been so crazy...I promise to get back to letting you know my thoughts!

why doesn't my blog background work????? I'm really not an idiot!

Writer's Block....

Can one have writer's block even if you aren't really a writer? I have been so "busy"--I haven't had time to think about what I really want to write about. There are so many things going on...sometimes I feel like my head is spinning! Maybe if I just list some of them, it will help...

1. LG started a new school...I was VERY nervous about how everything was going to work out--but as ALWAYS...God is faithful and provided. She is so vibrant...she loves school and Ms. Kimmmm's house.

2. Work is CRAZY...good, but crazy. Competition (which I LOVE) is hitting me a little harder than I would like...I'm having to come up with some creative strategies, but I have my boss behind me 140%.

3. I was away from LG for a WEEK....it was tough...even tougher, I got no sleep! I'm still paying for it!

4. I need to join a small group...not any small group...but the right one...I feel like I don't fit in...I'm single, but not as single as everyone else...I'm not divorced, I'm not married....it's tough. I'll get there. There are so many variables...what am I gonna do with LG? When do I have time?

5. Taxes. (enough said)

6. Getting a company car or keeping mine (long story, but I adore my SUV)

7. I want to buy a house, but my boss wants to promote me--I have no idea what territory...he's being tightlipped...not complaining...just listing!

8. I'm worried about my friend...I know I am not supposed to worry, but I love her so much!

9. I am starting P90X on Monday...holy cow...for those of you who don't know--it is an extreme fitness and nutrition program that lasts for 90 days...I am taking those 90 days for me...

This is my time to be who I KNOW God wants me to be. I am going to try my hand at intentionality...can I make that a word?

Already feels better...friends and family--keep me motivated...I'm gonna need it!

My beautiful friend...

Why are women so good at feeling guilty? I feel guilty when i spend too much time with LG (knowing I am neglecting myself) or even worse, when I get a baby sitter...I feel guilty when I feel like my world is coming apart...but worse, when my friends lives are crumbling and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING to help....

One of my best friends found out she has cancer. Cancer. She's in her 30's. Really? Cancer? I feel like I've been hit in the stomach...I can't IMAGINE what she is going through. I hate that she feels like she is going through this alone. I hate I haven't talked to her very much. I hate I feel like everytime she looks at my daughter she is reminded of what she will never have. I am angry....why am I angry?? I want it to all be okay. I want her to have a husband and beautiful children. I want to wake up and have her be perfectly healthy. I want her to stop smoking and tell her family what's going on....but, I don't have control...wow, isn't that a good thing? I don't have control, but I know the ONE who does.

She is His -- As am I.

I love you WT...

Standing on the water's edge....

One of my friends asked me today if I am ever frustrated with LG or being a mother....I responded, with a little thought--No.

Simply no.

My mother or some of my other friends could surely remind me of those times when I may have been not so in control of my emotions....but I have never been frustrated with being a mother. I HAVE, however, been frustrated at myself for not being able to handle all of the emotions flowing through my veins at the same time. I am generally very good at keeping myself (and my emotions) in check...but there are ALWAYS those moments in life where we lose it...no matter how small of a nanosecond it is...we are human.

As I was talking to my friend and really thinking about motherhood--the words wouldn't come...how do I explain the richness she offers or the feeling of complete surrender of my heart or the laughter she provokes...Sometimes, i find myself just staring at her...it's scary--because it almost feels as if I'm looking in a mirror that reflects a younger me...she is SO MUCH like me...

Is motherhood this good??? I would have never imagined in a million years -- I would love -- anything-- THIS MUCH. God is amazing in HIS works.

To me...being a mom is much like watching a river....it always flows...sometimes the water is much clearer than at others.

The Sweetest Moments...

...are the tender moments when I am rocking LG to sleep...The way she lays her head on my chest and I can smell her sweet scent...her wrapping her little arms around me--patting my back...the way she twirls her hair until she finally falls asleep....her breathing changing as she falls deeper and deeper into slumber land...I really can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be....

Reflection

2009...wow...aren't we supposed to be zooming around like the Jetson's by now? It's amazing how quickly life changes and the once important things don't seem so important anymore! As I have reflected over the past year--most of my thoughts were of my daughter and her unbelievable growth. She learned to walk, talk, swim, and count to five in English and Spanish (among so many other things)...she's an amazing little girl--full of goodness with enough stubbornness to make her a Kelly girl! I think back to being eight months pregnant, about to start a new job, and moving into an apt by myself...I remember how scared and lonely I was. As I enter 2009, my career is amazing, I have great friends, and I am unbelievably happy.

I think one of my greatest challenges as a single mom is balancing what I need and want with what's best for LG. For example, I REALLY want a clean house, but I have someone undoing what I've just done...it's exhausting! I have to learn to let it go...I can only do so much--it will be there tomorrow...the most important thing is being present with her! That being said, I have to find a balance between being a single woman and a single mother. I have become such a homebody and spent so much time with LG, it's hard for me to enjoy being out. Dates are like job interviews, being a bar isn't where I want to be, and my other friends are either completely single (wanting to be at the bar) or married (and wanting to be in the bed at 10pm). Hmm...staying at home sounds so good...

I realize my relationship with my Maker ebbs and flows...just like any other relationship--the more time you invest, the more reward you reap. I forget...I talk to Him, but I don't take the time to listen. That has always been my problem...listening...I'm either working, washing the clothes, scrubbing the bathroom, cooking dinner, playing, reading, blogging...and I'm constantly talking...I want to learn to listen this year, allowing Him to be my heart beat. I realize I am His servant--here to love, support, and protect this amazing being He has bestowed upon me. She is His...as am I.